Anxiety Kills.
This entire week felt so long and eventful, i lost track of time.
I've retreated into the shelter and comfort of writing in my world, on my handy dandy notebook, smth that i've kept very close to my heart. & i will only show it to, but a few. Besides the usual schedule and notes and stuff, it contains the rawest and most truest of my thoughts at that point in time. Other than that, i've sought comfort in the physical form of a simple hug, during the most unrealistic form of escapism ( skipping lessons when i'm not supposed to). & im back to my old habit of distracting myself from the ache in my heart. Sitting in the back row of chem prac lesson, in a corner of my own, a clandestine affair.
Here's what i wrote during the lesson:
Panic attacks grips you by the moment. It comes and goes unnoticed by the ones on the outside; experienced only by an individual. Some shout it out, screams & yelps of panic. Others suffer on their own, they are silent and feels the worst on the inside. Arteries and veins are the giver of life, but alas! Panic strikes, and you'll feel it most. The constrict your heart to the point of suffocation. It begins with the rigorous thumping, the rate of your heartbeat increases. Then, comes the heartache, filled with loneliness and negativity. You want to cry but no tears fall. Perhaps it'll be better to wail it aloud, but no, you're bounded by emotions so overwhelming, it kills you slowly. There is no antidote, it chews slowly on your soul like you can literally feel the grinding of its malicious teeth, bent on baring its menacing side. There you are, left alone with an empty shell on the outside. Until someone special comes along and snaps you out of your surrealism; bring a genuine smile to your face; & makes the heartache go away.
Orientation is coming up this week for the new freshmen! I'm somewhat excited to meet this new batch, yet dreading the schedule and weekly routines of trng, tuition and friendly matches. The weekend is ending, and i dont want it to go away. No matter how tough my routine is, i believe there'll be others out there just like me.
Ra, hold on strong okay. Will keep on thinking about you and remembering your perseverance to keep on going. While i'm running on my soccer pitch, i will think about your weekly mileage of 35km. While i'm strugging to do my tutorials and revision, i will think about you and your H3 economics. P.S cafe soon, yes. :]
Side-note: Post-its are tools for happiness. :]
I've retreated into the shelter and comfort of writing in my world, on my handy dandy notebook, smth that i've kept very close to my heart. & i will only show it to, but a few. Besides the usual schedule and notes and stuff, it contains the rawest and most truest of my thoughts at that point in time. Other than that, i've sought comfort in the physical form of a simple hug, during the most unrealistic form of escapism ( skipping lessons when i'm not supposed to). & im back to my old habit of distracting myself from the ache in my heart. Sitting in the back row of chem prac lesson, in a corner of my own, a clandestine affair.
Here's what i wrote during the lesson:
Panic attacks grips you by the moment. It comes and goes unnoticed by the ones on the outside; experienced only by an individual. Some shout it out, screams & yelps of panic. Others suffer on their own, they are silent and feels the worst on the inside. Arteries and veins are the giver of life, but alas! Panic strikes, and you'll feel it most. The constrict your heart to the point of suffocation. It begins with the rigorous thumping, the rate of your heartbeat increases. Then, comes the heartache, filled with loneliness and negativity. You want to cry but no tears fall. Perhaps it'll be better to wail it aloud, but no, you're bounded by emotions so overwhelming, it kills you slowly. There is no antidote, it chews slowly on your soul like you can literally feel the grinding of its malicious teeth, bent on baring its menacing side. There you are, left alone with an empty shell on the outside. Until someone special comes along and snaps you out of your surrealism; bring a genuine smile to your face; & makes the heartache go away.
Orientation is coming up this week for the new freshmen! I'm somewhat excited to meet this new batch, yet dreading the schedule and weekly routines of trng, tuition and friendly matches. The weekend is ending, and i dont want it to go away. No matter how tough my routine is, i believe there'll be others out there just like me.
Ra, hold on strong okay. Will keep on thinking about you and remembering your perseverance to keep on going. While i'm running on my soccer pitch, i will think about your weekly mileage of 35km. While i'm strugging to do my tutorials and revision, i will think about you and your H3 economics. P.S cafe soon, yes. :]
Side-note: Post-its are tools for happiness. :]
posted by BingBing at
6:46 AM
2 Comments:
Hey sexy, feeling the highs and lows? haha don't worry, I've got your back anytime. You can do it! Just kick some ass on the field, and uh, squeeze some brain juices when working on a paper. Cheers!
Hey pal, I'm so glad this week's over. Very eventful and fufiling week, orientation for the new J1s and all. haha, By the way, your bday present is finally on its way, you'll get a pleasant surprise, i hope! :D
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