Failed expectations.

So fucking screwed.

Spare the vulgarities, but that's what i feel now. All that i've worked so hard for to fufil my duties and make it good, at least for this start of the year has all come to nought. Perhaps i put too much blame on my shoulders, and it's too much to bear. I don't even want to start with the people 'cause it's too much to say. I'm tired of blaming and trying, it's evidently not working based on the end result. I do not need anyone telling me what i should do, 'cause i'm tired of pleasing everyone. I will only listen to one, one whom i trust on and depend on. & that one, whom i will do everything for, to please. :]

Reflect? I reflect all the time. There's no measurement for comparison. Different levels of responsibility, Different people to work with, Different emotions they bring. One good thing that came to me today was the number 37, my position for cross country in school today. Seniors were there briefly and feelings of nostalgia came to me all over again, so simplistic and joyous everything was when they were around. A role model to look up to. Hannah, my CAPTAIN in my heart forever, left an impact on me like no one has ever had before. Aq means so much to me, so so much, just that i feel so alone on my cause now.

Justification in my sole cause,
Can anyone tell me what it is?
Perfecting loneliness
was never an easy task,
But all you put on is an empty mask.
Only when you are all alone
then you can live, as it is a must.

-

Dear jx, come take my frightening jc life away from me, take it all away. The best part of the week, supposed to happen on friday, didn't happen in the end. I lived everything in a blur and i'm at a loss of what to do. It became complicated and tiresome. Good times happened, but the hard times etched more clearly.

Dear aly, i'm so sorry i havent got the chance to reply your letter. Don't think too much about my emo posts, & i wont get facebook anytime soon! too lazy, unless you set one up for me. hee.