Streetlight.

Watching the sc&ct investiture today, brings back memories of house invest 08. When hannah passed me her badge and gave me a hug onstage, informal affair but it held such significance in me. I don't think i will ever forget this experience i've had, no matter how horrible disappointments and regrets are, or the happy silly times i've had with house commers. It's such a congregation of talented people, some very good with impromtu ideas, others good in organising and rallying ppl together while a few are very gd with IT skills. As we're reaching the end of our journey together as a 08 house comm, i've forge some good friendships & i've seen the true colours of others. Eugene has a knack for making me feel comfortable as a friend,with silly conversations and reciprocal of m&ms. :]

Hoho, my long lost dad, reinstated her status as a friend. A random postcard along the corridor on a random day makes my day slightly more manageable. hope her thyroid wont give her problems anymore, and may i find the day where i can sit down properly and have a meal together.

Regi, a random msg telling me she'll support us at soccer finals, along with debbie! The comfort of knowing that friends are still watching my back brings about momentary joy and relief, like a part of me is regained. Times i enjoyed trng, laughed like i meant it, jumped in the air as the ball brushed past my fingertips. Self-proclaimed, world's best three defenders. :]

The other day, i actually teared as i read aly's first letter to me coming LA. Simple letter, all scribbly handwritings, yet so familiar. & i teared, because it's a sense of longing that overwhelms me. As much as they are a part of me, i cherish all the friends and loved ones i have right now. Love is all i can give and that's what keeps me holding on. As i struggle to stay in touch with old friends, i treasure whom i have right now. We live for the present, ready for the future while the past lingers on. Familiarity provides a comfort that is greater than anything else, be it great and simple company or a particular place is quiet and conducive. We all need something or someone to look forward to each day to keep us going. ;D

I was born to tell you i love you.

Your heart is all i ever want to know,
I'd go anywhere you want to go.
You're shining bright,
You're my streetlight.

p.s Congratulations jx for getting your driver's license, like finally! :D i demand that you bring me out for a spin if mel and i get there eventually. i'm so glad for you! haha.

Finsh what i started with.

All i ever needed was to hold on for another day, thinking it will be a better one tmr. I realise, i feel lost without certain routines, withoout certain material possessions like my phone with all my contacts and pictures and msges. A pair of spectacles worn while it's broken. It's already broken, but i can't fix it. All the familiarity, lost. What's more, all the things i enjoyed doing like catching a theatre play, exploring new places and spontaneous escapades, are now bounded by tests and trials to make me stronger. I envisioned myself falling, tried to get up and i fall again. My legs cannot support the weight anymore, i am handicapped.

& then, at the back of my mind, i remember the peace and calmness surrounding a round metallic table. Situated in a corner, sticking out along the wall in an awkward manner. I fell asleep, knowing i am safe. Wild imaginations, imagine if we sat absolutely still, maybe time will pass us and we'll disappear and blend into the backdrop. Bubbles of fantasy always easily pricked by the slightest interruptions and trials we face, but it is okay. We'll get by, it's our hearts that really matter in the end. :)

Twists and turns of fate.

Counting Down the Days...

Stumbled across an old picture...

Have A Nice Day. :>

Pictures made out of fries, m&ms, straws, paper napkins brings back fond memories. Simple things in life that make or break you. Happy gestures like receiving assistance from a stranger warms my heart instantly despite how tiny the action is, like helping me carry stuff when i was having difficulties. A tiny action and a smile makes me feel as though there are still kind souls that are willing to help when you're down and out. Simple gestures like offering a side of a ear piece to me today, letting me into her type of songs. Promises of coming down to support, albeit alone and sticking through to the end, brings a smile to my face too. Having someone to constantly stay in touch with, also brings us to a diff level of intimacy. Saving each other when all seems bleak. All these little wonders, brings me through each day.

Simple actions also break my day. Words and action don't tally. I frown upon insensitivity yet i may have committed such identical sin. Routines of lessons, remedial, trng evokes feelings of dread every single day that i live for. Neglience was never intended but it is out of my control now.

Sounds of a rumbling thunder
Like that of a sleeping giant's belly
Across the fields they slumber
Fearing for their lives, legs jelly.
-
The world is spnning like a satellite
My thoughts are running with the speed of light
The air is hounding for us to sleep
And this dizzy madness brings me to a fit.
-

As i'm typing this, a shard of glass and roof of cement separates me from the natural elements. Outside, roaring winds and turbulent rain threatened to create a din signaling the end of the world, like my father mentioned. However, it all ends soon. All is calm, all is dark again. I have my ear piece plugged in and familiarity of the music plays on my playlist. I shall go sleep soon.

So long&goodnight all.

Everyday, i love you (deeper).

Never say never.

Soothing music, provocative book, great company.

Vicious cycle begins,
with a student seated in a class,
wondering what is going on.
All is a blur,
self-consumed by a book,
and a blueblack pen scribbles on a notebook.

As a task is half but completed,
all responsibility thrown to the winds.
A failure yet again, set to disappoint.
Mouth kept shut,
a joker's mask for a face.

I wanted to escape,
but sm holds me on to stay.
With a great company at the side,
I felt at peace,
even momentarily, it would suffice.

Bells rings and signals for the end.
But it was never the end,
more to come and suffocate under the pile.
Frustrated, yet i succumbed to what's to come.

Long before i sat and calmed my frazzled nerves,
peace was disrupted with a flurry of acitivity.
lateness and slack was not to be tolerated.
So i dragged myself up again, ready to go.

Consumed within my own world,
Everything passes in a flash.
A lonely bus ride home,
set in a noisy atmosphere.

Everything is at peace again,
yet worry tugs at my heart.
Hoping everything will turn out fine.
Regret the words i didn't speak.

So long & goodnight all.
This is the diary of 14 April,
a day away from the 15th,
where the cycle begins and seemingly never ceases to end.

Lover & friends,
Hold on tight and never let go.
Freedom is near, & we will find ourselves again.

Esoteric prophecy.

A stranger to this cyberspace right now, haven't blogged for ages. But here i am, on this dreary and lazy sunday allocating time-out for myself. Words and language have always been an outlet. Rants and Rambles, i wld always say. This provides a comfort to the world of dark clouds that looms overhead and the whirlpool of events that engulfs me, leaving nothing but a shadow of who i've been. On the outside, i am a contrast to who i am inside. However, i tell myself this which keeps me going despite all the SHIT that happens:

Optimism is the key. When all is down and out, look to the tiny little things that brings a smile across your face. Random surprises that are gifted with colours bring about joy to my previously grey and dark canvas before me.

Let's begin with the start of soccer season. Worst performance ever. I somewhat forsee a bad showing but it has got to be my worst. We won 8-0, deserving score because strikers did really well. Individually, everything was a blur. I wanted to win, i wanted to do well but my esteem got to me. I can't block out all that's happened previously. Just a display of a weakling, i broke down before that but no one noticed. All who had wished me luck or encouraged me came from the most unexpected ppl. I was really touched by the simple fact that they rmbed. Thank you mel, ra, cherlyn and louise, and Joansie. You have no idea how impt those sweet msges meant to me then. Epic disappointment came from those whom i thought i would have derived motivation yet, didn't happen in the end. It became a different ball game entirely.

On good friday :]

'I hereby solemly swear that i will be a good girl'

Every new discovery, every new chillout place that i discover makes my day, coupled with friends that never fail me in the simplest company. A place called Udders we discovered by chance. I left a footnote for you, my Daffodil. ;]

An envelope of happy sticks i recieved, Spells of nothing less than love i see. Promises of a never-ending journey together, our determination to push on shall not falter.

Never met anyone like you, Who can bring me to a record-breaking high, or low when you're not around. Like a poppy flower, you're my sole addiction.

An opium of the new kind, you occupy my thoughts and mind. All i can see and breathe, is you & i will never want to let go.

;D

-

Imagine if i escaped this place, left behind all my family and friends, and all the things i thought i was important. I know everything is not smooth-sailing for everyone now, but to be honest, everyone has their own limits of immense pain felt. For some, it may be the scolding from whom you respected or held fear for. Others may be the nagging and uncooperative people at home. For me, i'm going through all of the above, plus stresses of having to perform well at a personal level for each and every single day, yet at the same time stay motivated to motivate others to push on as well. Stresses to perform, academically. I have never been compelled to attend remedials before, now it has become a must, 3 times a wk after sch. Otherwise, paranoia sets in and i tell myself i am not doing enough. Stresses to lead and serve, when i'm all alone in my cause. I have to set a good example for the young ones, finish what i set out to complete, despite all loss of respect from my committee of 6. A need to stay strong at home, 'cause everyone's been drained already. A problem that will forever persist, an unhappiness that will always dwells under the roof we three stay in. Can i even say 'we' anymore? It has become of more of an individualistic level. The day will come where we go our separate paths and start all over again. Stresses to balance it all out, I am indeed tired. Detest the fact that i am too intuitive. Although you say everything is ok, i know it's not ok. Although you say you don't know a thing, but you drop a hint, an indication that you know what's going on but you don't wish to tell me.

I overthink the process, i do. But i can't help it when i see some things that ppl don't usually see. Sometimes, when you think your life is bad enough, tell yourself not to be myopic and think for others. Life gets better that way. Even now, i am doubting if my life can get any worse than it already is but i divert my attention to others, who need me more than i do to myself. There can be no heal to the already broken and tangled up mess. Slowly but surely, things will get better. That is my prophecy, if you get me.

-

Mankind is deluded by shadows; Mankind is infatuated by shadows; and yet, what solace is there, otherwise?